A Summary of My Philosophy

I was taken to another place today as I walked up the stairs to the cafeteria. The stairwell was filled with the smell of food, and - although I don't know what it was, exactly - it reminded me of somewhere I've been before. I think it was the cafeteria at the ROM. They say that one's sense of smell is the most able to recall vivid memories, and although this one was not particularly detailed or specific, it did hit me almost before I realized that there was something to smell other than overly-cologned niners and chewing gum.

I miss going to the ROM with my parents. I never expected them to grow out of it before I did.

I started reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man the other day, and am really enjoying it. I feel (or should that be fear?) that part of the reason for this is that James Joyce is Irish, and I am Irish, and my sense of patriotism has influenced my taste in books. I resent the idea of this, as I resent patriotism in most forms. Blind patriotism, that is. In the book that I just finished, Vonnegut said;

"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of questionless faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile."

I think that this quote is the perfect punctuation to any argument regarding extreme belief in one person, system, country, god, or anything at all else. It is an essential realization; that to believe something so thoroughly as never to question it is nothing less than dangerous. Please, if it's not too awful, allow me to quote part of something that I have written, but kept private:

"What if:
What if murder is the only way to live?
What if my existence destroys another's?
What if evil is power?
What if war is the only way to make peace?
What is there is no hope for a perfect existence?

Ignorant people ignore these "What if"'s for fear of being caught in a moral dilemma. From childhood, they are trained not to think this way. Their parents destroy the grey areas of right and wrong, managing to subdue their children's curiosity using one tool: The Bible. The church tells its followers to obey the Bible, because it is the Word of God, the Almighty Creator, the questioning of whom will lead to a fiery afterlife. With such a fate always forefront in one's mind, it is almost impossible to do anything but block out the source of doubt, the "What if'''s.

For this reason, when faced with controversial subjects, devout Christians' brains will often short-circuit, causing them to form mobs, and engage in senseless protests and rallies. Poor souls, what else can they do?"

I realize that this sounds quite judgmental, and that Christians are not all about rallying, but this is how I felt at the time. I am also not the antichrist. I am an Agnostic, who has been to church almost every Sunday of her life. I am pro-life, do not believe in the death penalty, and love everyone in the world based on principle. I am glad for the morals I have been taught by the Catholic school system and church, but have trouble believing without proof.

Despite some of my Christian-esque beliefs, I have not been successfully brainwashed. I think that most people on Earth are awful and I would not mourn their deaths, I just won't be the one to kill them. If a meteor, or a crazy man with nuclear weapons comes and wipes them all out, I won't shed a tear. And yet I am a moral person, and I do my part to keep us going by recycling, donating to charities, and not supporting any form of what I consider to be legalized murder. That is, war, abortion, or capital punishment.

I have principles. And for this reason I can never be a true artist.

The Waterboys - Don't Bang The Drum

The significance of the blog title is this; it is the name of the song that I'm listening to. It's the first time that I've put this record on, and I'm fairly impressed.

The significance of my blog series title is this; it's the first intelligent thing that came to mind. I hate coming up with titles for things that haven't even been made yet, but I don't think I'll change my mind about this one. The title is a spin on the title of James Joyce's novel, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I haven't even read it yet. Well, I read the first page or so at Chapters. I would have read more, but I had it in my lap on the floor, but thought better of my position when someone nearly tripped over me.

That happens to me a lot at Chapters.

It's a Steve pick, so I think I'll enjoy it. Another of his picks is Kurt Vonnegut's Mother Night, which I am nearly done. My situation with Steve is like that of Seinfeld's Elaine with what's-his-name, whose picks at the video store she adores. I have a healthy infatuation with Steve, whom I have only glimpsed once, and almost had the chance to speak with as I purchased his pick. I think I'll have to get a job there.